Ladies: The Do's And Don'ts Of Approaching Your Man's Side Chick

March 9, 2018

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“Do” #1: Be honest.
All loyalties aside, BE HONEST. That doesn’t mean you have to go into the toe-curling passionate details of your romance with this shared man, but denying the relationship is wrong. Always shift the responsibility of the actual details to the man. At this point, the jig is up. Honesty is ALWAYS the best policy.

Sidebar: Some women feel a bond from knowing they share the same pain. Y’all are not friends. While being honest, there is no need to compare notes. Y’all are not in a relationship with each other. You ladies are in one with him. Talking to each other should only be a means of confirmation, not comparison or “he said, she said”. Get the ‘yes’ or ‘no,’ hang up the phone, and handle your business accordingly.


“Do” #2: Stay calm.
If the conversation is amicable, maintain that energy. There is no need to get riled up in your emotions. If you’re the approaching woman, TAKE A BREATH. You’re not going to get any information you need yelling, acting crazy, and calling names. If you’re on the receiving end, don’t get all defensive. Be understanding. Whether you did or you didn’t know, talk like the adults you are. The moment anyone loses their bearing, everyone has wasted their time.


“Don’t” #1: Don't approach the mistress if you're not ready to leave.
This is the most important rule when coming to another woman about her or your man’s infidelities: do not approach another woman if you’re not prepared to leave.

You just want the evidence. "Tell me what he did so I can get closure and BOUNCE". Too many of us misuse this strategic move. This move is not to make your man sweat, as a lot of you like to use it for — ’cause trust me, he isn’t sweating a bit. It is to end the game. FINISH HIM!

The moment you acknowledge that you know about the other woman and stay, you have given him all the power, and he will do it again. If you’re not prepared to leave, let that man cheat in peace until you are. It’s not about him cheating; it’s about your peace of mind. You’ll feel better for it when you only have to go through this situation once, and NEVER turn back.

If you’re “the other woman” making this approach, the same goes for you. If you have the gall to expose your involvement in a man’s infidelities then you have prepared to remove yourself as well. 

 
“Don’t” #2: Don't come with an entourage.
Don’t ever come to another woman “as a woman” with your friends. Keep that mess in the group chat, girl.This is more of a suggestion for your image because:

You look weak approaching this girl with a pack of irrelevant (insert plural terms of endearment).
This is between you and her. This concept is for clarity and closure — not to make a scene — so save the witty phrases you prepared to embarrass her with, for never. She owes you nothing, so why are you gonna attack her?


“Don’t” #3: Remember the mistress doesn't owe you anything.
This other woman owes you nothing. There are an array of possibilities here. She could not know you exist. He could be feeding her lies about the part you play in his life. Or honestly, she could just love him too damn much to care. So the third “don’t” is: don’t forget this woman owes you nothing, but he does.

This goes for either side. Plain and simple, she didn’t hurt you. No matter what tough exterior a lot of women present when they're put in this position, she’s just as hurt as you are — but that won’t matter to either one of you at that very moment. This is when you have to step back and take the blame off each other.

No matter the circumstance, you should not have been put in the situation to feel the need to approach another woman. The girl on the other end of the line doesn’t have a responsibility to be faithful and loyal to you. 

 YourTango